I Don't Care If I'm Not Perfect

Today CNN spent an stupid amount of time with various guest trying to figure out why women are less happy now than in previous years. They postulated on the theoretical and waxed poetic on the realities of being a woman and finally I just turned it off. I could do that because my one and only baby girl was napping and I was blowing away precious cleaning time by watching TV.

I had a meltdown last week in front of my hubby (or at him depending on who you ask). One of the rants coming out of my mouth was that if I had known growing up that I could go to school, get my degrees, get a job and still be primary caretaker of a household with little help from him then I wouldn't have bothered with all the student loans. Mind you, this was just a rant. I love the hubby dearly but he works long hours and the majority of all work in any way related to the household falls to me.

My husband, like all good men when faced with the irrational, just stared at me blankly and kept his mouth shut.

The ideas that have screwed the women of my generation over are the ones where we have to be a perfect mom or our kids will be wrecks and that one that says we can have it all. It's just not possible. When I hit the point where exhaustion set in and I sobbed into my Cabernet one night I just decided that the key to her being happy was me being happy.

I stopped reading the baby book around month 5. I now only ask my mother and some grandmothers I know for advice. In the mornings when I'm trying to get me, her and the dog ready for our day I put her down in the play pen in front of the Disney Channel. I'm sorry but it is one less tantrum in my morning and I hate mornings. I've never been an amazing housekeeper. I work on the 90% rule. If it is 90% clean I can live with it. My hubby being a totally type A personality has a hard time with this. My solution; let him clean the last 10%.

We belong to no baby and mommy groups as I find those women oppressive. My version of a baby gym are age inappropriate toys from Ikea that let her crawl, climb and slide and when that's done we chase the dog. I don't freak out if I run out of time to run a bath and if she falls asleep in her clothes I just leave it.

And She's Happy
And I'm Happy
And my Husband is Happy Nobody Screams at Him

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Miss Indepedent

At 10 months my one and only little girl is amazingly independent. She wants to walk, not be carried. She wants to pick up things on her own and she wants to terrorize the dog.

Poor Jack spends a good bit of every day trying to stay away from her.

I love that she's independent. I see a little more of myself in her everyday. She's fierce, not scared of anything, and has a game face that would scare most poker players. This is not a kid that smiles at every stranger. She likes to take her time. She looks at people watches them and only if they pass her baby test of worthiness will she give them a toothy grin.

But sometimes I miss a child that never was. One that clings to mommy, that wants to be picked up, that always has to be near me and I feel guilty that she's as awesome as she is.

So on nights like tonight when she has nightmares, and screams for me, and holds me tight it makes me a little happier than I think I should be. Once again the double edged sword of mommy guilt.

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Fairy Godmothers are wasted on children

When I was a little girl, I would have loved to have had a Fairy Godmother. She would grant all kinds of great wishes - and would help me torture my two little sisters. I now know that Fairy Godmothers are wasted on children.

I need one now. She could do all kinds of great things for me like - the laundry. I do laundry every day. EVERY FRACKIN DAY and yet I'm never caught up and get wholly unhelpful suggestions from the Hubby like telling me to take it to the Wash and Fold.

Last time I took clothes to the Wash and Fold it weighed 30 lbs.

Men never think about things like how you're going to do that while hefting a 24lb baby. It's not like the good old days when you could leave your kid inthe car for five minutes (no hatemail please), now someone will call the police before you make it into the Wash and Fold.

Household logistics is definitely his weak spot.

So instead i wash two loads a day, every day and dream about an alternate reality where Fairy Godmothers get my laundry done while sending me on Holiday to Fiji.

*Sigh*

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